Jennifer Crusie Bundle Read online

  “Hi.”

  Zack turned around to see a very young, very blonde teller smiling at him.

  “Can I help you with anything?” Her smile deepened.

  “Full service banking?” Zack said and grinned.

  “Well, we try to please,” she said, dimpling at him. “I’m Deborah.”

  “So tell me, Deborah.” Zack leaned on the ledge across from her and smiled into her eyes. “What’s it like to work for Mr. Porter?”

  “It’s boring,” Deborah said. “And I don’t talk about my employers.”

  Zack showed her his badge. “I’m one of the good guys, Deborah. Tell me about Mr. Porter.”

  “You don’t look like a good guy.” She smiled at him again.

  “Mr. Porter, Deborah. Concentrate. Other than boring, what was he?”

  She shrugged. “Nothing. He came in, worked hard, and went home.”

  “Ever make a pass at you?”

  Deborah chortled. “Mr. Porter? Not a chance. He was so crazy about his wife, he didn’t even know there were other women on earth.”

  Zack stopped smiling. “But he just got divorced.”

  “Oh, that was her idea.” Deborah looked around and dropped her voice. “Long overdue, if you ask me. I mean, he would have bored me to death. I met her at the Christmas party. She was really nice. Quiet, but nice. Mr. Porter showed her off like she was something he owned, but he was crazy about her. You could see it. I mean, Evan Hatch just asked her to dance, and he was furious about it. He hasn’t spoken to Evan since.”

  “Evan Hatch?”

  Deborah jerked her head to her right and Zack stepped back to look at the teller two windows down. He was about five foot four, a hundred and twenty pounds, and bald.

  Zack frowned at Deborah. “Porter was jealous of him?”

  “He was jealous of everybody. I told you. He was crazy about her.”

  Zack tried again. “I thought I heard the divorce was because he’d had an affair.”

  “No way,” Deborah said. “It was his wife and nobody else. And listen, he had his chances. I mean, have you ever seen him?”

  Zack shook his head.

  “Check out his picture. It’s over there.” Deborah nodded her head in the direction of the big glass doors. “He’s really great looking. Believe me, a lot of women were interested.” She cocked her head. “Not me. I like my men a little rougher, not as handsome, if you know what I mean.” She smiled at Zack again.

  “And I even shaved,” Zack said.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. So aside from being boring, he was the perfect boss?”

  “Well, he was a nitpicker.” Deborah made a face. “But we got used to it. And then about two weeks ago, he really let up and stopped watching us all the time. It would have been really nice, except he was so grumpy. That’s when Mrs. Elmore came around and told us about the divorce. She said we should be understanding.”

  Zack squinted back at Mrs. Elmore. “She doesn’t look like the understanding type.”

  “She’s not,” Deborah said. “Unless it’s Mr. Porter.”

  “Oh.”

  “The divorce may have depressed Mr. Porter, but it cheered Mrs. Elmore right up. When he comes back, he’s not going to have a chance.”

  “Maybe I won’t arrest him then.” Zack gazed over his shoulder at Mrs. Elmore. “That could be punishment enough.”

  Deborah’s mouth dropped open. “You’re going to arrest him?”

  “No.” Zack turned back hastily. “That’s a little police humor. Very little. Did you notice anything else different about Mr. Porter lately? Besides the grumpiness?”

  “Nope. The grumpiness was it.”

  “Okay, listen. Here’s my card.” Zack handed it over. “If you think of anything else, call me, please.”

  “Anything?” Deborah batted her eyelashes at him.

  “Anything about Mr. Porter. You should be ashamed of yourself, trying to pick up a cop on duty.”

  “Don’t you ever get off duty?”

  “No. I live for my work.” Zack turned to see Anthony waiting patiently by the door. “Well, I’ve got to go, my driver is waiting. Thanks, Deborah. You were a great help.”

  “Anytime,” Deborah said. “Really.”

  On his way out the door, Zack stopped by the gallery of employee portraits that Gamble Hills First National had assembled to give the customers a nice feeling of family as they parted from their money. Among the dozen or so faces, Deborah dimpled, and Mrs. Elmore grimaced and, at the very top like the Big Daddy of banking, Bradley Porter stared down and was not amused.

  He was classically handsome—thick wavy blond hair, a straight Roman nose, a chiseled chin with a hint of a cleft, and the coldest grey eyes Zack had ever seen.

  What the hell had Lucy been thinking of to marry this…this…fish?

  “Zack?” Anthony called from just inside the door. “You ready?”

  She needed a keeper. Not him, of course, but still…

  “Zack?”

  “Yeah.” Zack followed him out to the car.

  “Another blonde?” Anthony said when Zack got in the car beside him. “Is this a trend for you?”

  “Blonde?”

  “The teller.”

  “Deborah? No. Blondes are too dangerous. I’m only interested in brunettes. Like Mrs. Elmore. Drive and tell me all about her undying passion for Bradley Porter. And then tell me what motel she’s been meeting him at so we can go get him.”

  Anthony put the car into gear and pulled out of the parking lot. “We can’t go get him. He’s in Kentucky.”

  “Kentucky?” Zack scowled at him as if it were his fault. “What the hell is he doing in Kentucky when we want him here?”

  “Communing with nature to heal his tortured soul. Or something like that. He’s brokenhearted. His wife, who is cold and unfeeling, did not understand him.”

  “He said that? The rat. Drive to Kentucky.”

  “I don’t think so. We have reports to fill out. And we do not have any conclusive link between our Bradley and Lucy’s Bradley.”

  “He’s not Lucy’s Bradley.” Zack tapped his fingers on the window edge. “I tell you what. Let’s search the house. We’ll find the link. Trust me on this one. I’ve got…”

  “Reports to fill out,” Anthony said.

  “Oh, hell,” Zack said.

  THE SHOWER FELT wonderful.

  The hot water stung Lucy’s body and made her skin tingle, which made her think of Zack, which made her tingle more.

  It was ridiculous. He’d mugged her in an alley, then he’d argued with her in her living room, and now she couldn’t stop thinking about him. It was particularly ridiculous to be looking forward to seeing him again. Of course, that was mostly because he was coming to search her house, and when he didn’t find anything, then he’d have to admit that he was wrong and she was right, and that the only criminal thing Bradley had ever done was bring that blonde into her house.

  Lucy tested herself for pain on the last thought. Did that hurt anymore? Maybe it never had. Maybe the emotion she’d felt was more repressed rage that Bradley had brought that woman into her house. She was going to have stop repressing her rage.

  She definitely wasn’t feeling any pain over Bradley’s blonde anymore.

  And she’d lost the feeling she’d had that the house had been contaminated. That really went when she threw Bradley’s chair down the stairs. That had been a wonderful moment. For just a moment, she’d felt totally out of control.

  Like Zack.

  Zack. What did she see in him? The man was a patronizing maniac who thought he had a hot line to the universe. Trust his instincts. Ha, as Mrs. Dover would say.

  Well, sort of ha.

  Actually, she was willing to bet that he had great instincts for some things. In fact, she was willing to bet that he had better instincts than she’d ever had. She was willing to bet…

  Lucy stuck her head directly under the water from the showerhead, tr
ying to wash Zack out of her mind.

  Think about something else. Think about anything else.

  Well, there was exercise. Like running the stairs instead of the road because some maniac with incredible instincts…

  Try again.

  Running the stairs was terrific for your heart, but murder on your quadriceps. Lucy glanced down to look at hers only to stop, horrified, all thoughts of Zack gone, as she stared at the water as it swirled into the drain.

  It was black. The blackest water she’d ever seen.

  Which meant her hair wasn’t anymore.

  “Oh, no,” she moaned and leaned her head against the shower wall.

  It left a big black smudge when she stood straight again.

  Five minutes later, her body wrapped in a full-length white terry-cloth robe and her head in a terry-cloth towel, Lucy stood in front of her bedroom mirror and prayed. Then she took a deep breath, pulled the towel off her head, and stared at her hair in the mirror.

  It was a strange color, like very bad moss; a sort of intensely dull, dark grey-green that absorbed all the light and energy around it.

  “My hair has turned into a black hole,” she said to the mirror. “Complete absence of light.” She looked down at the towel. It was covered with black smudges. “How long before this washes out of my hair? How long before I’m a horrible blonde again?”

  As she stared at herself, a new and even more horrible possibility hit her.

  How long before it falls out?

  Einstein waddled into the bedroom and stopped to stare.

  “Independence is not working out for me,” Lucy told him.

  “THE LAB REPORT IS IN,” Zack said when he joined Anthony back in the squad room. “The brick wall did not help the bullet at all.” He tossed the report to Anthony who was typing a report of his own. “As always, Patricia will be glad to hazard an unofficial guess if we ever find another .38 to match, but she says no way will we ever have anything to take to court based on the bullet from the wall.”

  Anthony shoved the report out of the way and went back to typing. “So we have nothing.”

  “Not exactly. We have Lucy.” Zack sat on the edge of his desk. “And Lucy’s house, which we’re going to have to search now that we can’t find Bradley the rat. I need to talk to Lucy again anyway.”

  “Is this an instinct?” Anthony hit the return carriage.

  “Oh, yeah. Definitely. I have a real instinct about Lucy Savage.”

  “So now the only question is, What kind of instinct?” Anthony grinned while he typed.

  “What? Oh, no. Not a chance. I can’t even imagine her naked.”

  “What?” Anthony stopped typing and started to laugh. “I don’t believe it. You were the one who once described Queen Elizabeth naked.”

  “That was in college.”

  “Yeah, but I’ve never forgotten it.” Anthony shook his head. “So now you’ve lost the ability to imagine women naked? That’s a bad sign, Zack.”

  “I haven’t lost anything,” Zack snapped. “And it’s just with Lucy. It’s her fault. She’s just not that kind of woman.”

  “And Queen Elizabeth is? I don’t think so. I think you’re attracted to her. You respect her. This could be it. Love. Marriage.” Anthony paused. “Maturity.”

  “Don’t be juvenile. Did you try those phone numbers that Elmore gave you for Porter? The motel in Kentucky and the one for the place where he’s been staying here in town?”

  “Just a couple of minutes ago. He has a room in Kentucky, but he’s not answering. The one here is a hotel in Overlook. The room is rented to a guy named John Beulah. And the phone is busy.”

  Zack frowned. “What would Bradley Porter be doing registered under an assumed name in a hotel in Overlook?”

  “Saving money? It’s definitely the lowest of the low-rent districts.”

  “Well, then, that’s our next move.” Zack stood. “Let’s check out the hotel right away before whoever it is gets off the phone. I love Overlook. It always makes me feel like a real cop—paranoid.”

  “I have to finish this first.” Anthony frowned as he typed. “It’s almost done. Patience.”

  “And after the hotel, we can hit Lucy’s place,” Zack said. “I think we’re making progress.” He started to pace. “Could you hurry up? We’ve got things to do here. I want to get to Lucy’s before lunch.”

  “Just a minute. Just one minute. Amuse yourself.” Anthony’s phone rang and he answered, “Taylor, Property Crimes.” Then he looked grim, and said, “Right away,” and hung up. “We have a gunshot victim. Female.”

  Zack’s heart stopped for a moment. “Not Lucy. Tell me I didn’t leave her alone for some creep to—”

  “Not Lucy. Not unless she went blonde again and checked into a hotel in Overlook.”

  Zack shook his head, relieved. “No. Not a chance. The dogs wouldn’t like Overlook.” Then he stopped. “Overlook? It can’t be.”

  Anthony nodded. “Same room number as our rat Bradley. After I called, the desk clerk went up to check and found her unconscious, still clutching the phone. He called the rescue squad, and she’s on her way to Emergency now.”

  “I’ll be damned. He’s shacked up with the blonde in the slums, and then he shoots her and leaves for Kentucky? This makes no sense. Wait. How did they know this was our problem?”

  “Because they found your name and phone number on a paper in her purse. Detective Warren. Property Crimes. And you’ll love this part…”

  “Come on, come on.”

  “Shot with a .38.”

  Zack smacked his hand on the desk. “She’s our phone tip. John Bradley found out, shot at us on the street, and then went back and shot her. So where is Bradley Porter in this? This makes no sense, but at least it’s a connection between Bradley Porter and crime. Let’s go.”

  “What about Lucy? Aren’t you going to call her?”

  “And tell her what?” Zack grabbed his jacket. “She’ll keep. Let’s go.”

  “What did you do, hypnotize this woman?” Anthony said, but he picked up his jacket and followed him out the door.

  IT WAS EARLY AFTERNOON when Lucy’s phone finally rang.

  “Hello?” she answered, trying to sound nonchalant.

  “You didn’t call me last night,” Tina said. “I got your message on the machine and called you back, but all I got was a busy signal. What happened?”

  “I forgot,” Lucy said, trying not to feel disappointed. She curled up in her blue overstuffed chair. “And the busy signal was Einstein. He knocked the phone table over.”

  “Why you don’t have everything bolted to the floor in that place is beyond me. If you must live with a herd of animals, you should be prepared. Anyway, tell me about the mugger. You really beat one up? That’s terrific!”

  “Well, sort of.”

  “You only ‘sort of’ beat him up?”

  “No, it’s only sort of terrific. I really beat him up. His lip looked awful. Of course, he keeps swearing that I didn’t beat him up—”

  “You talked to this creep? That means the police got him. Good!”

  “Well, in a manner of speaking. I sent some policemen after him, but I didn’t realize what had happened until he showed up at my door—”

  “Who?” Tina asked, confused.

  “Zack. He…”

  “Who’s Zack?”

  “The guy in the alley,” Lucy said, and Tina groaned.

  “And now you’re on a first-name basis with him and you won’t press charges because he’s told you about his horrible childhoood in reform school. Lucy, you are too damn nice!”

  “Not exactly—”

  “Forget it. I’m coming over, and we’re going to the police and get this Zack character sent up the river for life. I know a cop now. That suit in the diner yesterday turned out to have a badge. You stay there. I’ll call him and Benton.”

  Lucy sat up straighter and clutched the phone. “No, Tina—”

  “Do you think the
police will be able to find him?”

  “Probably. He works for them.”

  There was a short silence. “What?” Tina said finally.

  “He’s a cop,” Lucy said.

  “You beat up a cop?”

  “That depends on who you talk to. From my point of view, yes. From Zack’s, no.”

  “Zack.”

  “Zack Warren. Detective Zachary Warren.” Lucy relaxed into her chair again. “He has blue eyes. You remember. He was the black leather in the restaurant yesterday.”

  “Don’t do this,” Tina said.

  “What?”

  “We’ve got to talk. Meet me for lunch at the Maisonette.”

  “I can’t. Zack told me not to leave.”

  “What? He just told you…”

  “He thinks somebody’s trying to kill me.”

  There was another silence.

  “Stay there,” Tina said finally. “I’m coming over with Chinese takeout, and you are going to tell me everything.”

  “All right,” Lucy said. “But I better warn you. My hair is…different.”

  “Different,” Tina said. “I can’t wait.”

  “SHE’S UNCONSCIOUS.” Zack slumped, defeated, in a plastic chair outside the hospital-room door. “Of course, she’s unconscious. She’s been bleeding into the carpet for hours. No ID. Nothing. This is making me crazy.”

  “You were already crazy.” Anthony checked his watch. “Come on, we have things to do. The desk clerk just identified John Bradley as the man who used the room. We have to get a picture of Bradley Porter to him, too.”

  Zack stared into space. “Bradley. Rat Bradley. I wonder where he is now?”

  “Well, not back at the hotel. Let’s go check out the room. Forensics hasn’t found anything so far, but maybe…”

  “I really want to arrest him,” Zack said. “Attempted murder is as good a reason as any.”

  “Better than most,” Anthony agreed. “Now move. We need to get started on this. It’s looking like it will take us the rest of the day and most of the night, as it is.”

  “Rat Bradley,” Zack said, and Anthony gave up and pulled him to his feet and out the door.